Tuesday, September 7, 2010

From a personal journal entry

July 16 - 17, 2010
(onwards midnight)

I will never forget what happened to me and Jamjam tonight...

We had to go into this bed fight just so I could put her to sleep; she was struggling and crying while I did nothing to comfort her tears but pinned her down with my arms so she would understand that I was still the "mother" and not everything she wanted she can get away with. She eventually stopped thrashing around but sobbed on as if her poor heart was breaking. I wasn't antagonizing her for some other reason than to teach her a lesson but as I listened to her whimpers, I could hear my own heart shatter as she lay there in my arms sniffing the last tears. I toned down and asked her if she was angry at me, wiping the tears from her eyes as I explained why I had to hold her down. She took the hand I was caressing her face with to stop me and get my attention, she shook her head stifling the tiny hiccups of crying. When I moved closer to her to give her a kiss, she burst into more tears. I felt bad for what I did and started crying quietly myself. Quite unexpectedly, her hands came to search my face where to find my tears moisten her inquisitive gesture. Then she reached to pull my cheek with one hand and my chin with the other to give me a sweet and pleasant kiss on the lips as if to tell me "It's alright Mommy." I said I was sorry and motioned to hug her. But before I could, she slapped me right in between my brows and yet gave me another tender baby kiss. Maybe she was telling me not to overdo the drama, too. She then gave her back and goaded me to rub it until she fell fast asleep.

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